Perkasie Olde Towne Association

Sorry to say, but businesses are a haven for bad writing. Harried workers often resort to trite cliches (”the lion’s share,” “”no earthly idea”), technical jargon (”systematized,” “prioritized”), pompous language (”dehired,” “involuntarily separated”) and poorly-focused ideas in their rush to get the job done. 

Try to decipher this real-life bad writing example from a major investment firm: ”All of the bonds in the above described account having been heretofore disposed of; we are this day terminating same. We accordingly enclose herein a check in the amount of $22,000 same being your share realized therein, as per statement attached. Not withstanding the distribution to you of the described amount, you shall remain liable for your proportionate share.”  

Huh?
At best, the result of bad writing is a communications opportunity that is wasted.  At worst, it can cost a company thousands of dollars. Consider:

Computer manufacturer Coleco lost $35 million in a single quarter in 1983–and eventually went out of business–when customers purchased its new Adam line of computers, found the instruction manuals unreadable, and rushed to return their computers.

An oil company spent hundreds of thousands of dollars developing a new pesticide… only to discover that the formula had already been worked out five years earlier – by one of the same company’s technicians. He wrote his report so poorly that no one had finished reading it.

A nuclear plant supervisor ordered “ten foot long lengths” of radioactive material. Instead of getting the ten-foot lengths it needed, the plant received ten one-foot lengths, at a cost so great it was later classified. (Source: “Total Quality Business Writing” published in The Journal for Quality and Participation by Michael Egan)

Fortunately, there is a quick fix for bad business writing.  It’s a technique originally developed by advertising writers but one that can easily be adapted for most writing situations, including letters,  memos, reports  and presentations.  The formula is AIDA, which stands for Attention, Interest, Desire and Action.  Let’s take a look at each one individually: 

ATTENTION:  This might be the toughest one of all. The average person is bombarded with as many as 20,000 messages a day through televisions, radio, billboards, print ads, emails and letters. You are competing for the readers’ attention in a busy world.  People have a tendency to block out uninteresting or irrelevant messages. The first few words of your letter, memo or report will determine your success.  A provocative headline, an intriguing question, a bold statement can compel your readers to pay attention.

INTEREST: If attention is the attractive-looking bait, interest is the hook. You capture the reader’s interest by making a solid promise: to solve a problem, to answer questions, to satisfy needs. In a sales letter, for example, it can be done in two paragraphs: one that clearly states the readers’ problems, questions or desires (which your market research has determined) and one that shows how you, the writer, can solve those problems, answer those questions and meet those needs. If you grab the reader’s attention but fail to hold interest, your communications effort will fall short of its goal.

DESIRE: Now, that you’ve commanded attention and developed interest, it’s time to create desire. This is the sales pitch, your opportunity to tell the reader the benefits of  whatever is is your are offering, whether it is a product, a service, or a new way of doing things. In essence, this is your sales pitch. It answers the question “What’s in it for me? that is bubbling in the readers’ mind.  Unfortunately, this is where many communicators fall short. They do a good job grabbing attention and creating interest but for some reason — perhaps arrogance, maybe out of shyness — they fall to close the deal.

ACTION: This is probably the easiest part of the formula.  If you’ve followed the formula this far, your reader should be motivated to make a decision.  Ask for the order, the donation, the promotion.  If you’re not sure, go back to your original  reason for writing the letter.  The call for action should be obvious. “Call now” or “Send your check today” are two of the most common ways to tell readers what you want them to do.

“Writing is a highly-personal activity, which is why I’m usually hesitant to advocate using a formula. But in this case, the AIDA approach can be helpful to busy executives and employees who want to put together effective communications but don’t have the time or expertise to spend a lot of time writing.            

Filed under: Uncategorized, business writing on February 23rd, 2008